Sep
03
I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we got to speaking about NLP. Then they started telling me about this book called ‘The Secret’. If I’m honest, I scoffed a bit but borrowed the book anyway.
Then, I noticed there was a film so I got that instead because the book wasn’t really doing it for me.
Anyway, it’s actually quite good. It’s packaged for a certain market, no doubt, but it instills a lot of [what could be seen as] NLP techniques regarding fulfilment. Yes, it focusses on the easy targets of attracting love, money and health but so what - it’s a ‘way in’ to change.
My own introduction to NLP was through an illusionist - say no more - and yes I initially focussed on all the shallow things that I wanted. I can imagine this is a pattern that many people follow. But, if a film like this can make a positive change to someones life then fair play. I passed it on to someone I thought may benefit and they got a lot out of it.
Sometimes, the low hanging fruit is the most accessible.
Tags: General NLP talk
Sep
02
When I learned NLP at Practitioner level, I have vivid memories of trying to read scripts off paper when doing stuff like submodality change work. I always remember the feeling that if I said something wrong I could break someone half way through a session.
What a naive fool I was 
A friend of mine, an NLP trainer, has, over the past couple of years, instilled in me the need to be more playful with any of the techniques - it’s about the result.
I found this last night with a second NLP session in two weeks. The fact that I improvised at the speed of a bullet and still got the desired result.
This has seriously opened my eyes to what could be - with a bit of playing.
Tags: General NLP talk
Aug
29
I did some change work with someone last night - something I haven’t done for a long time. Plenty of time distortion linguistics, some submodality change work and showing the client how to create an anchor and make it more potent themselves.
One thing I noticed was my constant chase to develop rapport with the client. This person had had an NLP experience before, along with all the comments from friends about what NLP is, and it was interesting to note the hesitancy about what may, or may not, happen during the session.
So, I spent most of the time developing rapport, with the change work almost a side issue. Change did take place, and I’d like to think when we meet again next week, last night’s session would have enabled me to start further down the line and achieve even more change.
As a non-practicing practitioner I always wonder about my own competence during these sessions and my ability to maximise the effect of any change work. What worries me most, however, is the competence of people out there doing this for a living, with money changing hands.
Tags: General NLP talk
Aug
10
Two members of my family aren’t getting on. One of them wants to but has given up I think. They rub each other up the wrong way and the problem is neither of the them will budge.
I found myself in a similar (different context) situation this week. We sent out a marketing communication at work and had two complaints. It maybe worth pointing out that we sent about 400 of the things but I still managed to take it personally that one of these two people told us not to send us our stuff in future. The message was that “we know who you are already”.
I see similarities on these two events purely because of the responses, and, the seemingly lack of willingness to acknowledge the need to be flexible (although it did hit me after a day).
If the meaning of communication is the response you get then surely the communicator needs to be more flexible in their approach. But how many people are really that consistently flexible? I know I can be. I also know that I am not most of the time.
In marketing, there is a tactic whereby you segment data as you collect it so you only send certain messages to certain people. It’s a bit like a Tesco Clubcard where they only give you offers on things that you buy because they have registered everything that you have bought in the past. Some call it intrusive but at the very heart of the system is the fact that they are noting what you like and responding accordingly.
In society where one-size does not fit-all, the need for flexible communications (and flexible outcomes) has never been so necessary. I am glad I spotted this one because when I think about it I haven’t been too flexible myself recently. The noticing is the first part, now down to allowing myself to be even more flexible with my communication.
Tags: General NLP talk, NLP at Work
Jul
30
I tried and tried but my wife and mother-in-law (who is staying with us) have had it on every night this week and it’s hard to avoid. Yes, Big Brother.
But… what viewing. Watching housemates try and psych each other out and trying to work out who is playing a game and who isn’t. Why anyone would go on there is anyone’s guess, apart from the Okay Magazine contract afterwards, I guess.
Anyway, wife and ma-in-law love it and it was interesting to listen to their conversation last night and how they both seem to ‘know’ what is going on between the housemates.
It went something like, “he’s doing that because he wants to make her feel like that… and she is look…” conversation. They are absolutely certain they get (with their birds-eye view) what is happening on an inter-personal level.
And of course, I can imagine we may all be guilty of doing the same thing from time to time, I know I do, applying my thinking and model of the world onto situations. That’s real life I guess.
But it’s amazing how much we tell ourselves a story quite happily, compared to what may actually be happening, bearing in mind that situation will be happening from more than one viewpoint itself and it will ALWAYS be subjective.
For example, my wife had our first baby at the weekend and she had to listen to every bit of advice during the pregnancy from other mothers (whether she liked it or not). Each one giving their account of how pregnancy and birth is.
She also read a lot of books, so by the time of the actual labour and birth, she had told herself how it was going to be and, of course, she reported afterwards that it was nothing like what she had expected.
When I trained in NLP at Practitioner level, I never really got the meta model, but as I have developed my knowledge and skills for listening, it absolutely amazes me, just listening to people’s mind reading, generalizations, etc.
In fact I don’t think I will ever fully comprehend how we actually communicate with each other at all.
Tags: Language, Meta programs
Jul
14
Flexibility of behaviour and communication is a fundamental facet of NLP in my eyes and one that I sometimes forget - or at least don’t apply enough thought to before, during and after an event.
I did a pitch on Friday for a project I really wanted to win for my business. The team had all worked incredibly hard on the creative work, the presentation was slick and we were confident. Perhaps though, I was too confident. The work was good, I have presented to groups before and have become reasonably good at it, but, when the time came and we entered the customers building (a local council), everything suddenly became very rigid and official.
Strict timings on our presentation, sit here until we call you - all very formal - something I am not used to. Unfortunately, I wasn’t flexible enough in my behaviour and I started to get very nervous. The pitch went well, but I came away quite disturbed at how nervous I had become immediately before and during the presentation. (more…)
Tags: Behaviours, NLP at Work
Jul
10
A friend of mine has just completed his NLP Practioner Course. He loved it and his big realisation is that he tells himself stories, stories about things that have not yet happened.
He realised that he kept painting a picture of the future, when in fact, he had no idea what the future holds. On realising that he does paint a picture of the future in his head (and I guess quite a few of us do), he asked himself what would happen if he changed the story to be have a much more positive outcome?
This is something I do a hell of a lot. I build stories around events that haven’t happened, and sometimes never will. I would say that 9 times out of ten, my story will be wrong.
It’s a learning for me here. I once did future timeline, and found it very powerful. I have to ask why I don’t do it more often, even on a smaller scale.
I am doing a best man’s speech in September and I am currently battling with the story I am telling myself. On one hand, I am confident, and I am prepared, but then this voice comes in (ah, bless that voice) that starts questioning stuff and creating scenarios that will probably never play out.
Acknowledging this, I am fighting hard, and the positivity is winning. My positive story is too compelling and I know I have the confidence to pull it off. In fact, I would go as far as to say I think I will storm it. I’m nervous, but that’s good for me - I’ve done quite a bit of public speaking - but I have also put it into perspective - it’s only 8 minutes of my life after all
Anyway, those stories. If you are one of those people that tells themselves a story in their head and the outcome is never good, why not try changing the ending? Better still, change the story completely.
Tags: General NLP talk, timeline
Jun
30
I’ll learn one day, hopefully soon.
I’ll learn that when my unconcious mind is literally shouting at me not to do something, perhaps I shouldn’t let my conscious mind overrule. Especially as I know from past experience that it usually ends up with me losing out in one form or other.
Two recent scenarios
- Last night I had a sneaky cheese sandwich at 9pm even though I knew I wouldn’t sleep well because of it and hey, I had a shite nights sleep.
- At work, I recently took on a company on a retainer for three months, even though my unconcious mind was telling me they weren’t worth it. Two months in I am money down and not a happy customer.
Perhaps it’s a case of relaxing more and allowing my unconscious mind to build up his persuasive voice. Perhaps it’s just a case of doing what I am (unconciously) told.
Tags: Behaviours
Jun
11
I work with words. I read them and write them and sometimes, like a fool, I think I own the exclusive meaning of them.
But, with all the will in the world, a dictionary can not do justice to a word, neither can a persons explanation. And, I still find many people with the same ideology - that they ‘know’ what a word means.
With my NLP hat on, I am reminded of concept that the ‘Map is Not The Territory’. There is some interesting ‘words’ about this on Wikipedia.
So, why the noise from me this morning? (more…)
Tags: Language
May
31
So, I have come to the conclusion, as I get in my late thirties… that I am fat. I always played the ‘chubby’ card, that I am big-boned, but, alas, it is definitely fat. In fact, for the last couple of years, I have become lazier as well which has seen me head in the wrong direction.
To be honest, it’s a constant battle I’ve had since an early teenage and I very rarely don’t put up a good fight, if at all. I know (I just know, right) through timeline work that the weight will come off and I will end up being quite a healthy person, and I also think I am very nearly there ready for action.
In fact, I may have started already this week. Not by consciously attacking the bad foods I eat, but by understanding that I eat usually because I am bored. It has nothing to do with hunger.
I have been busy, developing new habits (or patterns) that work on the boredom, rather than the eating itself. It’s a bummer right now, as I have a bad back and want to exercise, but I can foresee a time in the VERY near future that I will be changing habits even more in the direction of a healthy lifestyle.
A little bit of history
When I first did timeline back on my NLP Practitioner Course in 2004, something came out of nowhere for me to do with being scared of death and my father, who died at the age of 49 of a heart attack, a month before my 18th birthday.
What surfaced from my unconscious mind during this experience was that I was always getting told how much like my dad I am. My mind was reading this as a “well, I better hurry up and ruin my body for an early death then” - it was a powerful experience as you may imagine.
The future
Of course, when these things surface, you can work on them (you gotta love timeline therapy), and I have, in so many ways. I also believe it’s down to me now to get healthy and the time is nigh to work it out.
I always found a lot of NLP techniques a bit shallow for this quest though, like changing a ‘like to a dislike’ or strategies - perhaps I just haven’t done them that well in the past? I do think it’s more than that though, understanding a higher level of NLP so that you can just ‘work on yourself’ surreptitiously in the background.
So, my confidence is high and my boredom is being quashed with new habits. This includes one that may sound rather mundane - pottering round the house and garden doing little things that need doing - double whammy that one. And partly the reason for my bad back I fear that has to carry my weight and more when I am lifting.
Losing weight, or in fact Living a Health Lifestyle, always interests me and a way for me to find the perfect balance, so please feel free to share your thoughts with me.
Tags: General NLP talk, timeline
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