Everyday NLP Diary

Flexible outcomes and flexible behaviours

Flexibility of behaviour and communication is a fundamental facet of NLP in my eyes and one that I sometimes forget - or at least don’t apply enough thought to before, during and after an event.

I did a pitch on Friday for a project I really wanted to win for my business. The team had all worked incredibly hard on the creative work, the presentation was slick and we were confident. Perhaps though, I was too confident. The work was good, I have presented to groups before and have become reasonably good at it, but, when the time came and we entered the customers building (a local council), everything suddenly became very rigid and official.

Strict timings on our presentation, sit here until we call you - all very formal - something I am not used to. Unfortunately, I wasn’t flexible enough in my behaviour and I started to get very nervous. The pitch went well, but I came away quite disturbed at how nervous I had become immediately before and during the presentation.

I chatted to my NLP sounding board, Daryll, about the situation and in his usual “you need to work this one out for yourself” way he simply said, “check out how flexible your outcomes were”.

So, I thought about it a lot over the weekend and I realised - I wasn’t being very flexible at all. No flexibility with my outcomes or with my behaviour.

Inflexible outcome

I already had it in my head that the pitch was so great, we were probably going to get the project. How could they not love our presentation? What’s more I wanted it… bad… perhaps too much.

Inflexible behaviour

I had not pitched the work for this audience, rather pitched my part of the presentation the way I am used to (I don’t usually do sales pitches, rather straight presentations and seminars). I was expecting a friendly bunch of hellos and a relaxed atmosphere walking in the room and it was the opposite.

My inflexibility hit me like a hammer. Referring to my Users Manual For The Brain, my eyes were drawn to “The Three Qualities of Exceptional Communicators”:

1. Identify explicit and achievable outcomes: Successful communicators know from the outset the direction and purpose of their communication.
2. Use sensory awareness to notice responses: These skills enable them to live in the now, in sensory-awareness, and provide them with necessary feedback about their progress toward outcomes.
3. Flexibility alters behaviour to achieve outcomes: Successful communicators develop the flexibility of behaviour to continually change and adjust their communications to achieve their outcomes.

My first realisation is that it doesn’t matter how much I want something - it’s not guaranteed. If I can let go of the need to ‘win’ in this instance, I can create a more realistic and achievable outcome, ie. to deliver a competent and compelling presentation, aimed at the audience.

Secondly, I should not have assumed how the situation would play out (in my head again). I knew the type of person in the presentation but I did not alter my behaviour accordingly, and so felt like a fish out of water.

I was deflated about this episode on Friday but I there is not failure, only feedback, and I see this as a timely reminder for myself. I also found out this morning that we didn’t win the pitch and to be honest, I am actually quite relieved about it, in terms of how it will be implemented. That said, we did get feedback that we had, by far, given the best presentation… it’s a funny old game.

Tags: Behaviours, NLP at Work

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