Jul
30
I tried and tried but my wife and mother-in-law (who is staying with us) have had it on every night this week and it’s hard to avoid. Yes, Big Brother.
But… what viewing. Watching housemates try and psych each other out and trying to work out who is playing a game and who isn’t. Why anyone would go on there is anyone’s guess, apart from the Okay Magazine contract afterwards, I guess.
Anyway, wife and ma-in-law love it and it was interesting to listen to their conversation last night and how they both seem to ‘know’ what is going on between the housemates.
It went something like, “he’s doing that because he wants to make her feel like that… and she is look…” conversation. They are absolutely certain they get (with their birds-eye view) what is happening on an inter-personal level.
And of course, I can imagine we may all be guilty of doing the same thing from time to time, I know I do, applying my thinking and model of the world onto situations. That’s real life I guess.
But it’s amazing how much we tell ourselves a story quite happily, compared to what may actually be happening, bearing in mind that situation will be happening from more than one viewpoint itself and it will ALWAYS be subjective.
For example, my wife had our first baby at the weekend and she had to listen to every bit of advice during the pregnancy from other mothers (whether she liked it or not). Each one giving their account of how pregnancy and birth is.
She also read a lot of books, so by the time of the actual labour and birth, she had told herself how it was going to be and, of course, she reported afterwards that it was nothing like what she had expected.
When I trained in NLP at Practitioner level, I never really got the meta model, but as I have developed my knowledge and skills for listening, it absolutely amazes me, just listening to people’s mind reading, generalizations, etc.
In fact I don’t think I will ever fully comprehend how we actually communicate with each other at all.
Tags: Language, Meta programs
Jul
14
Flexibility of behaviour and communication is a fundamental facet of NLP in my eyes and one that I sometimes forget - or at least don’t apply enough thought to before, during and after an event.
I did a pitch on Friday for a project I really wanted to win for my business. The team had all worked incredibly hard on the creative work, the presentation was slick and we were confident. Perhaps though, I was too confident. The work was good, I have presented to groups before and have become reasonably good at it, but, when the time came and we entered the customers building (a local council), everything suddenly became very rigid and official.
Strict timings on our presentation, sit here until we call you - all very formal - something I am not used to. Unfortunately, I wasn’t flexible enough in my behaviour and I started to get very nervous. The pitch went well, but I came away quite disturbed at how nervous I had become immediately before and during the presentation. (more…)
Tags: Behaviours, NLP at Work
Jul
10
A friend of mine has just completed his NLP Practioner Course. He loved it and his big realisation is that he tells himself stories, stories about things that have not yet happened.
He realised that he kept painting a picture of the future, when in fact, he had no idea what the future holds. On realising that he does paint a picture of the future in his head (and I guess quite a few of us do), he asked himself what would happen if he changed the story to be have a much more positive outcome?
This is something I do a hell of a lot. I build stories around events that haven’t happened, and sometimes never will. I would say that 9 times out of ten, my story will be wrong.
It’s a learning for me here. I once did future timeline, and found it very powerful. I have to ask why I don’t do it more often, even on a smaller scale.
I am doing a best man’s speech in September and I am currently battling with the story I am telling myself. On one hand, I am confident, and I am prepared, but then this voice comes in (ah, bless that voice) that starts questioning stuff and creating scenarios that will probably never play out.
Acknowledging this, I am fighting hard, and the positivity is winning. My positive story is too compelling and I know I have the confidence to pull it off. In fact, I would go as far as to say I think I will storm it. I’m nervous, but that’s good for me - I’ve done quite a bit of public speaking - but I have also put it into perspective - it’s only 8 minutes of my life after all
Anyway, those stories. If you are one of those people that tells themselves a story in their head and the outcome is never good, why not try changing the ending? Better still, change the story completely.
Tags: General NLP talk, timeline
