Mirroring phrases
Mar
26
A simple one that I notice a lot, the mirroring of specific phrases and words - great for rapport building.
I just had an e-mail reply from a colleague, mirroring one of the corny phrases I use a lot “no problemo”, following a nice e-mail I had sent thanking them for helping me out today.
I remember a colleague in a sales meeting that kept mirroring the words the client was using. Our client called marketing speak “propaganda” so my colleague used this back in conversation and rapport was built.
That said, like any rapport, it needs to be in context, not over-familiar too soon. Before you know it (if rapport is building) you will be mirroring more than words…
Tags: NLP at Work, Rapport
Nice one Craig:
I find one of the most misunderstood techniques in NLP is creating rapport. I endorse your comment about context so that you are not ‘caught out’ - because that can be a real rapport breaker (unless you have the flexibility to utlilse it).
Rapport, in NLP terms, is capturing the conscious and unconscious attention of the person that you are communicating with. When you see a couple in B&Q shouting at each other, this is deep rapport - they can’t stop shouting at each other! Rapport is broken when the other person is able to detach - it is not an essential condition to be ‘getting on with each other’.
There is a reason matching is a bit less visible than mirroring, because of the everyday experience we have with mirrors. For this reason, I consider matching to be more effective.
John Grinder provides some very clear process instructions for the NLP Practitioner wishing to perfect this art in ‘Whispering in the wind’. Taking it as read that you have adjusted your physiology bit-by-bit to match the other person, calibrating the whole time and backing off if resistance is detected, until rapport is achieved, and tested by leading the other person, then begin to decrease the amount of physiological matching and retain rapport. The question here is - once rapport is achieved, what are the minimum conditions required to maintain it:- Breathing only? Angle of spine and head only? This makes the technique far more elegant and negates the possibility of being ‘busted’.
There is an old presupposition of NLP that claims: Resistance indicates a lack of rapport. I like to say: Resistance indicates that you need to be a hell of a lot more subtle.
Comment by Daryll — March 27, 2008 @ 7:56 pm